Please eat it…

“Ugh! I can’t even stand the sight me this food…” said the skinny girl. I tell you , one look at her frame and the malnourished kids in the forests of south Africa would look like sheikhs from Dubai. Now sometimes I am puzzled by the fact that how can someone say that very sentence to a good three star hotel food? I have seen people throw random food tantrums (but she still tops the list). I pity them rather than angry about them.

I have friends (believe me,  people can still tolerate me to the level that they can stand my face and poor sense me humour till date…) … So where was I ? Yes! I have friends who always complain about food but one look at their food habits and I am sure they belong to

Planet:  X

Population: one

So let’s get down to business. So the skinny girl I referred to in the beginning is a girl who believes the food items she eats (the list extends to roughly about 4 items ) is the only food fit for human consumption. And she will run for her life at the sight of normal food claiming it to be poisonous!!! One other girl I know only thrives, flourishes and dwells on Lays (the chips) and for all I know she is comparable to thickness of lays chips.

bear-cute-eat-food-funny-rabbit-Favim.com-61060

Other category is ruled by one of my other dear friends. Who could eat anything like – chutney (both sweet and chilly hot), vegies, roti’s, sauce , jam ,juice – “all together”. Nope I am not talking about the amount, but I am referring to the fact that he eats it whole as one dish! Yup just mix and gulp it down. So he can almost ix up anything and everything together and eat it and still claim to enjoy it.

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There are small classes who assume the size of their stomach is like a tube well. They employ a simple logic Order everything on the menu if someone else is buying. I hate these people (especially if I am buying). And yes not to mention the eat- everything-and-stay-slim-type who everyone is jealous of (especially girls).

Now comes the breed I call – “the selectors”. And before you assume the answer – no they are not selective in terms of food they eat (only the skinny girl belongs to that category, remember?) but these selectors, reject food they eat (or at least parts of it) after the food is ordered and looking expectantly upon them from the table and pleading them to have a bite. Confused? let me give you a few examples

Story 1: My friend ordered onion uthappa at my college canteen and look at the result at the end of the meal. There was a heap of onions in the plate. I do not represent the Government asking you to stop wastage but just one simple question Why not eat regular (sada) uthappa?

Story 2: Other such kid ordered a masala dosa, but didn’t eat the veggies inside?

Same question: why not take sada dosa ? And yes I am not mentioning to the fact that while I was making a mental note of all these events one of the bunch was only enjoying the chutney that comes with these foods…. And I was like ….Really ???

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Now I have heard of people (friends of friends) eating noodles mixed in sprite or even noodles dipped in tea, or people drinking bournvita with tea. Other extremes are of people eating glass, sand and other highly non consumable foods (?). Thank fully I have not been exposed to these harmful kind of breeds yet. And never wish to.

My theory: The food you eat after staying hungry for awhile always tastes good.

So next time someone orders something and you are aware of the end result please remind them by saying – Please eat it…

 Sign out. (Burp SSSS)

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SCORING IN A TOUGH ENVIRONMENT

Well guys, you know there was a phase in my life when it was very easy to score or even top in any subject.  I could just start studying any subject the evening before and easily score in that one i.e. come out with flying colours. And then I passed through school.

I won’t say life became miserable, because it was just the beginning. The only thing that has been come (or rather gone) flying are the answers out of head when facing the paper in the exam.

I was just clueless how to score in the exams. Rather just manage to pass…. But then I stumbled upon a technique. I won’t say it has changed my life, but rather will ask you to try (of course at your own risk) and do tell me the results. (By now I am sure the post has started sounding like that order now type of adverts that come endlessly on television)

I have tried a few of them (;)) in my exams but I am not sure if I will be alive to check out my result following all the dooms day craze. Friends do promise me one thing, if you survive after 21st please check my results and if the technique has worked , the first thing after you discover that you are alive. Will you ?

Now I am going to share the secret with you. Sadly I only have the scoring technique for Environmental Science Paper (EVS). Sorry for the inconvenience.

WARNING : All the content posted below was actually written in an exam by my superhuman friend. Please take care if you feel like trying it. May your soul rest in peace. Amen.

Page 1 :

Remember that it is an EVS paper so no marks are deducted for grammatical errors. Even if you write the same points again and again in the same manner. More like breaking hell out of English grammar rules. (Sorry for the quality the so called super human was chasing me when I was clicking the pics)

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Page 2 :

Now my my my, you have full authority to draw diagrams in the paper. Even if the content and the diagram (and even the question) may not have the slightest resemblance to the diagram

AND YES REMEMBER THE TEACHER MAY NOT ALWAYS APPRECIATE YOUR ANSWER. SO DO APPRECIATE YOURSELF FOR THE DRAWING (HERE : AMAZING)

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Page 3 :

Now the question is green house effect. I was taught that we have ozone layer and CFC reduces it. But sadly according to the special answer it was not true.

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Page 4 :

As I said the teacher may not always appreciate you . But he is human too and is amazed at the talent in showcase.

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Page 5:

Now it is not a crime to write the correct answer once in a while. Even if the last point is kept for the examiner to complete.

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Last but not the least. Go to hell education I will always draw even if it means mounting solar cookers above dams which in turn are located above the urban streets. And of course the tradition continues no relation to the answer.:D

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I have done my job of sharing the SECRET.As I said try them at your own risk. May GOD help me in my EVS paper.

 P.S. : This post is and always will be dedicated to a hero who will not be named, right Chandu ? ooppps. No you didn’t read it.

Risky RICKS

One of the most amazing things I have come across is that what people can really give to each other on birthdays, which might just anything from very useful to almost useless stuff as their birthday gift. One of my friends whose birthday falls on today’s rather auspicious date asked me to pen down my thoughts on Rickshawwallas.

Now being a very thoughtful (!), considerate (!!) amazing (?) intelligent (??) and witty (#@&%$) blogger that I am (bwahhahahaha) I could have sternly refused for the excuse that I have talked about one such thing before.

But she being a wonderful friend of mine (I am not writing this cheesy line because she is going to read it.) may be I am..(nah! I am not)I decided to write this topic. Another thing I would like to make this very clear that I am not witting this because this is possibly one of the most cheapest gifts I can give her…..Did I sound a bit cheap there ? But you know what? I am silly? (Right Chitazzz)

So let’s start the drill. We should start from the beginning so let’s start from the beginning (I sometimes confuse myself with the types of sentences I write!!)

Now, people may call it hiring an auto, or you may not readily agree. Let us get a situation – you are in a hurry, you get out of the gates of your building. And your heart skips a beat on the sight of an auto. (With the driver sleeping in it with his legs on his seat and head on ours.). But behold even though you are happy the driver may not always share your enthusiasm. He may be standing on the way saying “Thou shalt not pass!” .Now the regular conversation would be slightly as follows:

Me: Bhaiya, station chaloge ? (Sometimes I think the main cause of their grumpy mood is even good looking girls call them bhaiya’s)

Rickshawalla (RICK):  Nahi !

Me: Par rickshaw toh khali hai. Aur mujhe jaldi hai.

RICK : Nahi.

Now this conversation may still go on with me pleading like a small boy to his teacher to give that half mark to pass an exam and he still continues with his monotonous “NAHI”. Some of them are generous enough to not even stop when you are waving your hand as if it is on fire near the road. I call them generous as the at least do not stop to insult you with their “NAHI”. If you are lucky enough to get a good (Ideal) rickshawalla then you may have done something really of some profound humanitarian cause to have such bliss.

Then when you sit. They drive like all the roads are deserted and there is some bomb attached to the bottom of the auto that will go BOOM if the needle goes below 40. And there are a few exceptions who travel so slow that you repent your decision of taking that auto as even cyclists overtake you with a grin on there face as if teasing you. And the hell breaks loose if you sit on the fourth sit.(Lucky girls ! they do not enjoy this plight!!) The driver takes about 10/11th of the seat and asks you to sit comfortably (!) in the reaming partitioned land. And to make it worse he enjoys poking you in your gut with their elbows, the situation becomes worse when it is raining. You have to shield yourself from the poking and the rain. A great balancing act. And yes you know the awkward moment when they try to drive and get to the fuel chock near you legs at the same time. And you are like “What the hell? Kya kar raha hai yeh ?”

Other salient features of our autos include:

  1. The headlamp so intense that even a candle will win head to head against it.
  2. Windshield that cracks if anything else (even wind) comes into contact.
  3. The polite driver talking to passengers softly at about 130 Decibels.
  4. Powerful engine that cranks up specially while going downhill.
  5. Weather proof hood that leaks only above passengers head.
  6. Teeny weenie wheels to dodge huge potholes.
  7. Exhaust pipe cum – silencer (which silences voices of screaming passengers.)

And on reaching the destination he makes a bit more effort to stop the auto a bit too far or behind than the desired location. Even if you are yelling on the top of your voice to make him stop or drive a bit ahead. Then comes the paying scenario. They never seem to have the change. It seems to me as an overdose of serials and movies where the hero or heroine says “Keep the change” (Aha! the golden words). Still I am glad that they do not give you those chocolates in place of the change like those misery shopkeepers (or canteen guys). You decide to learn from the new experience and teach these guys a lesson the next time (or possibly sue them). But the scene continues the other day you are in a hurry. You heart skips a beat on the sight of a rickshaw…….

And by the way ….

Happy Birthday Chitazzzzz….

P.S. Being an engineering student I have come to the realization that these IDEAL rickshawallas do not exist. Like many other ideal cases we study. 😛

Peoplz ON FACEBOOK

I have made a small observation (not as small as the list tends to be fairly big.) about the type of friends (creepy and freaky both) we have on Facebook. Sort of compiled a list and clicked the publish button.

Here its goes ,Too funny!

We all have one of each of these types of friends on our list:

1) The “Lurker” Never posts anything or comments on your post, but reads everything, and might make reference to your status if they see you in public.
2) The “Hyena” Doesn’t ever really say anything, just LOLs and LMAOs at everything.
3) “Mr/Ms Popular” Has 4367 friends for NO (logical) reason.

4) The “Gamer” Plays Words With Friends, Mafia Wars, Bakes virtual cakes and stuff, etc., ALL DAY.) and then annoys the ones who don’t with the irritating request/s.

5)The “Prophet” Every post makes reference to God or Jesus or a genuine attempt to inspire someone. . (Kadu for you -in a good sense :D)

6) The “Thief” Steals status updates.. and will probably steal this one.


7) The “Cynic” Hates their life, and everything in it, as evidenced by the somber tone in ALL of their status updates.

8) The “Collector” Never posts anything either, but joins every group and becomes fans of the most random stuff.

9) The “Promoter” Always sends event invitations to things that you ultimately delete or ignore. or probably block the guy FOREVER.

10) The “Liker” Never actually says anything, buy always clicks the “like” button. This guy or gal makes complete use of the like button. Common if it is free why not use it. May be they should be charged for liking…

11) The “Hater” Every post revolves around someone hating on them, and they swear people are trying to ruin their life.

12) The “Anti-Proofreader” This person would benefit greatly from Spellcheck, and sometimes you feel bad for them because you don’t know if they were typing fast, or really cant spell.

13) “Drama Queen/ King” This person always posts stuff like “I can’t believe this!”, or “They gonna make me snap today!”, in the hopes that you will ask what happened, or what’s wrong but then they never finish telling the story. or keep you at your wits end with … ‘Feeling sad’ or ‘Why God why ?’ and you are like arrrgghhhhh….
14) “Womp Womp” This person consistently tries to be funny but never is.

15) The “News” Always updates you on what they are doing and who they are doing it with, no matter how arbitrary. With details like its raining, snowing. I am walking. Trains / Buses are late. I am dead.

16) The “Rooster” Feels that it is their job to tell Facebook “Good Morning” every day.

17) The “Agent” is a agent of some bollywood or Hollywood star, who is more interested in putting up the photos of their favourite star.

18) The “Photo Maniac” is the one very much interested in uploading their photos (although not always photogenic)

19) The “Long commenters” like writing around 80 marks answers to a small status on Facebook. (though from the heart but really loooooooooong)

20) The “Short commenters” are the people who annoy you completely off your wacking head with their ‘K’ (if you know what I mean.)

Which one are you be HONEST!! Or else don’t be and I will increase another one in the list.

Weird isnt it…..Full of questions

I wonder….

No really I wonder if God considered us intelligent enough to give us brains, he should have probably taken our ability to make out confusing questions. Or he may simply just provide us with the answers.

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I do have a hobby of collecting funny stuff. Its all over my PC. I too (hoping you too) have a few funny questions to ask to you or to anyone who is willing to answer them for me. So here you go :

  1. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  2. Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
  3. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? (this ones from an email)
  4. If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
  5. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
  6. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (Facebook)
  7. Does the “Alphabet song” and “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” have the same tune ? (G ot a message changed the question to my needs :D)
  8. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are out?`
  9. Why do we open the refrigerator 100 times a day even though we dont wan anything ?
  10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?
  11. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  12. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
  13. If all the nations in the world are in debt(i am not joking. Even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird)
  14. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo? (A text message)
  15. Why is a boxing ring square?
  16. Why is it that whenever we have had a quick bite out (and are full) MOM decides to serve all her famous delicacies at home ?
  17. In counterstrike even though the troops protect the country with their lives, yet the government makes them pay for their weapons ? (Where the hell do our taxes go ?)
  18. When in an examinatin the scholar guy never shows us the bit of his answersheet, and the average falunts them like six packs ?
  19. If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking).
  20. .Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows).
  21. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows.)
  22. Why is it called a “building” when it is already built? (strange isn’t it).
  23. At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
  24. If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don’t they fall through the floor?  (very much copyrighted mine)
  25. When lightning strikes the ocean why don’t all the fish die?
  26. Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
  27. If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?

If you found it interesting….

Please do share it on facebook, twitter or anywhere and let the world go mad.

Why the world hate engineers – WHY ?

No No No …I don’t hate engineers (or engineering students as such) But I have come to a general conclusion that everyone in the world hates engineers. Exception of 2 categories, if

Category 1 : You yourself are an engineer

Category 2 : You are somehow related to an engineer to trying to get related in the near future(You know what I mean 😛 )

Other people for sure hate engineer’s .Don’t agree with me. I will give you a few examples to prove my point as I have had my few share of experiences.

Now one of the first category of ESH group (Engineering student haters) comes are the medical students. Now they think it is them who toil day in and day out and we (engineering students) go to the college to get your skin tanned on the beach.

My affectionate reply to them is come-on you only have to remember related terms – blood, brains and stuff (related considering we all have them) but poor engineering students have to remember irrelevant stuff viz. Dielectric materials, ratio of concrete and water, iron in an alloy and I am pretty sure too that we can’t apply KVL or KCL in our body. So Medi’s grow up your syllabus is much easier.

and when you do your practical’s you are pretty sure that the person (or corpse as you may call or may be “subject”) has all its parts in place whereas when we do ours we are pretty sure that even after the circuits are at place yet the breadboard may betray you.

Now one of my favorites the commerce gang, well I do have a friend who says Engineers are BOring – And I am like WHAT???? They even say,

Arguing with an Engineer is a lot like wrestling in the mud with a pig: After a few hours, you realize the pig likes it.

According to this crowd the mathematics of engineering student is better than a third grader but always worse than a commerce aspirant. Come on people anybody can add up a few numbers written column wise. I mean that type of maths is done by engineers as morning breakfast.

They think they are cooler than engineers. OK agreed you can enjoy more liberal hours as such. You might know about the latest release in the theatre but it takes “class” to know what is happening around the globe. And I mean things other than just fashion. But I have done my part of research and this is what I concluded:

One, the girls are cool there because they know there is some poor chap in the world who is doing engineering – who will; marry them. And two, the boys are jealous because, well… the girls for whom they take all the troubles to come to college are looking to settle with engineers in the near future.

Arts category – Whatever!!!! Guys the scores you get… I mean engineers use calculators that have more buttons than your attendance in lectures. No offence, but still you know it. And my study also tells me that 99 % of the affairs (or relationships) taking birth in arts stream have a difficult chance of even surviving through the academic year, the rest 1 % survive because … God knows why?

And 99.99 % of the relationships in engineering stream survive till the end (considering both are engineers) and (by the word end, I don’t know whose end I am referring to) because relationships grow strong through difficult situations and what can be more difficult than engineering (sine I have proved Science is not difficult.)

Now the other categories: there are also a few other exceptional categories that think of engineering students and boring or geeks. But common guys your views are insignificant after all you belong to the “others” category.

And yes there is even hatred within the students of engineering as well – like comps never like EXTC , IT and comps never share the same enthusiasm or Mech’s have friends with ….. Well…. Mech’s

I would have written about it, but that’s internal affairs….ssshhhhhhhh…….

HEAD lines please…

Everyone deserves to spread their share of laughs, but when it comes from the source you least expect it from it becomes all the more hilarious. Here is my collection of newspaper clippings that will make anybody’s day for sure…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So let us see which one turns out to be your favourite…