Please eat it…

“Ugh! I can’t even stand the sight me this food…” said the skinny girl. I tell you , one look at her frame and the malnourished kids in the forests of south Africa would look like sheikhs from Dubai. Now sometimes I am puzzled by the fact that how can someone say that very sentence to a good three star hotel food? I have seen people throw random food tantrums (but she still tops the list). I pity them rather than angry about them.

I have friends (believe me,  people can still tolerate me to the level that they can stand my face and poor sense me humour till date…) … So where was I ? Yes! I have friends who always complain about food but one look at their food habits and I am sure they belong to

Planet:  X

Population: one

So let’s get down to business. So the skinny girl I referred to in the beginning is a girl who believes the food items she eats (the list extends to roughly about 4 items ) is the only food fit for human consumption. And she will run for her life at the sight of normal food claiming it to be poisonous!!! One other girl I know only thrives, flourishes and dwells on Lays (the chips) and for all I know she is comparable to thickness of lays chips.

bear-cute-eat-food-funny-rabbit-Favim.com-61060

Other category is ruled by one of my other dear friends. Who could eat anything like – chutney (both sweet and chilly hot), vegies, roti’s, sauce , jam ,juice – “all together”. Nope I am not talking about the amount, but I am referring to the fact that he eats it whole as one dish! Yup just mix and gulp it down. So he can almost ix up anything and everything together and eat it and still claim to enjoy it.

funny-food-19_1

There are small classes who assume the size of their stomach is like a tube well. They employ a simple logic Order everything on the menu if someone else is buying. I hate these people (especially if I am buying). And yes not to mention the eat- everything-and-stay-slim-type who everyone is jealous of (especially girls).

Now comes the breed I call – “the selectors”. And before you assume the answer – no they are not selective in terms of food they eat (only the skinny girl belongs to that category, remember?) but these selectors, reject food they eat (or at least parts of it) after the food is ordered and looking expectantly upon them from the table and pleading them to have a bite. Confused? let me give you a few examples

Story 1: My friend ordered onion uthappa at my college canteen and look at the result at the end of the meal. There was a heap of onions in the plate. I do not represent the Government asking you to stop wastage but just one simple question Why not eat regular (sada) uthappa?

Story 2: Other such kid ordered a masala dosa, but didn’t eat the veggies inside?

Same question: why not take sada dosa ? And yes I am not mentioning to the fact that while I was making a mental note of all these events one of the bunch was only enjoying the chutney that comes with these foods…. And I was like ….Really ???

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Now I have heard of people (friends of friends) eating noodles mixed in sprite or even noodles dipped in tea, or people drinking bournvita with tea. Other extremes are of people eating glass, sand and other highly non consumable foods (?). Thank fully I have not been exposed to these harmful kind of breeds yet. And never wish to.

My theory: The food you eat after staying hungry for awhile always tastes good.

So next time someone orders something and you are aware of the end result please remind them by saying – Please eat it…

 Sign out. (Burp SSSS)

Will the world really end ? and what if it does …..

Yes the end is coming. Some say it is scheduled this year. Just for your knowledge, this is not a new phenomenon because as per the rich knowledge of a few people the date for the last day on earth was planned to be :

January 1, 1000 A.D. (Sadly the world did not end on this date)

March 10, 1982 (the same reason, maybe waited for my birth). So they went to

January 1, 2000 (Still the world refused to listen to man kind )

June 6, 2006 (I think the world waited for AVATAR  or AVENGERS to launch). So the near final date was zeroed to december 21/23, 2012. Now a few folks will be confused as to will the world really end on this day ?  Well I have come down to a conclusion these dates are like the solution for a question in an engineering maths exam. You always get the answer but are not sure if it is correct. And everyone has different ones…so you adjust the answer as per your convenience 😀

Now the scientists have also made themselves safe if the world does not end in December. They have also another date in mind ‘the year 3797′. So now equipped with this knowledge I was wondering what will happen if the world ends on 21/12/2012. You know it would have been better if God was on facebook. He would just update his status “BOOM”- and we would have happily commented, liked and shared it and then died. with smiles on our faces. That’s what I call AWESOME death.

Why would the world end on this date ?

A good question. Scientists guess – Solar flare or super volcano or tsunami or all at once. I predict may be the winrar license expires on that date. So even if the world does not end . It will be a heck of a life without winrar. Other possible reasons may include – facebook starts charging for membership, all the cell phones on the planet burst all of a sudden, all the channels show daily soaps at the same time or another twilight series begins.

What if ends on that day ?

The day is Friday. It should have been Monday, at least I would I have enjoyed 2 days of holiday (end of the world vacation). I would really like to see if all my experience of watching Bear Grylls is worth anything. Although he doesn’t show any tricks to save against a large wave of tsunami, but still its worth a try. I am pretty sure if we have confirmed reports about the apocalypse – then all the stores in the world will be flooded by calls from ladies inquiring for JUDGEMENT DAY SALE. People do have a right to look good when dead. But the simple logic is who will see you if everyone is dead.

Single boys will start looking for girlfriends and boys in relationships will start looking for more girlfriends. Not much knowledge of other things.

I have even made a list of things I may try if the world is really ending in 2012. Dont worry I will share a few good ones with you. I would like to….

  • Walk up to a small child that resembles me, and tell him that I am him from the future.
  • Go to a library and ask for a book on how to read.
  • When the money comes out the ATM, scream “I Won!, I Won!” “I Won!, I Won!”
  • Throw a small plastic ball at some body and then yell “get in your ball you stupid pokemon.”
  • Get into a taxi, when asked where the destination is, yell FOLLOW THAT CAR! And point at a car.
  • Hire two detectives and make them follow each other (Dont worry you won’t have to pay them either)
  • Walk into an elevator and say – You all must be wondering why I have gathered you here

What happens if the world does not end on 21/12/2012 ?

If the date of mass destruction is postponed again. Then when I have children I will show them the movie “2012” and tell them I survived it. Maybe a few people will kill the scientist who is making the miscalculation again and again. There is a high possibility that all the courts in the world will be overflowing with divorce cases. All the hard drinks in the world will be exhausted.

Well one thing is for sure,If the world does not end on december 21 then a lot of babies will be born in September 20,2013.

Of cricket and railways.

The gentleman’s game…. Every one of us is very much aware how much important role cricket plays in our life. In suburban life.

Now what is this all about you may ask. I would answer out of my keen observation I have discovered that Indian railways too follow cricket to a large extent.

How?

Ok I will tell you.

We have IPL and teams like Mumbai Indians, Chennai superkings and Deccan chargers.

In railways too we have such teams like

Dombivli crushers, Ghatkopar dandiyas, Thane blunders, virar chargers, kurla wrestlers etc.

When people get into the train the follow a typical rhythm. All enter with a rush like Sehwags opening. And leave in a pace of Tendulkar approaching his century.

When inside a train they follow the famous Sholay quote. “Adhe log idhar jao, adhe udhar jao, baaki log mere piche aao”. They make way in such a systematic manner that I feel that they must be in a huddle before getting onto the train.

When it comes to DRS India never gets the decision correct, when it comes to indicator railways never get their timing correct.

See the picture below, this is the picture taken at kurla station at 2.00 pm. (not quite sure which 10.38 train the indicator is interested in 🙂

People enjoy drinks (at platform) just like cricket. Railways have cheerleaders singing PARDESI PARDESI JAANA NAHI…for the crowd. In cricket we have advertisements after every over in railways we have advertisements every station (SHAMRAJ DANT MANJAN or Chico ghya chikoo)

There is an interesting situation in cricket like at the fall of a wicket. Who will go first. In railways there is a similar situation when a train arrives that is who will get in first.

The fun of powerplay when travelling by a semi fast local. Power play till Thane and regular there after.

During breath taking situations the Indian run rate falls down so as the timing of the locals during peak hours. Rain greatly affects their game – for both of them. Everyone is confused which end to run.

Slow over rate, special slow before thane station (genuinely a halt). The best person when required is always out of form. In railways, when want a long distance train every train is kurla, thane or Dombivli. And the list goes on and on..

So now we know about another major addition to the cricket fan base namely THE INDIAN RAILWAYS.

Practicals – The pain of Engineering

Engineering practicals form a very important aspect of an engineering students life. And they become more important if the same subject has an external practicals exam(true story).

“They are meant to help increase your knowledge”, my practical instructor tells me.

But sometimes (all the time ) I seriously doubt his reasoning abilities. I mean how are they purposed to increase my knowledge if I don’t even get the desired output sometimes (every time ). And yes before you start yelling that I suck at practicals let me present to you the reasons for my lack of performance:

(i) Nobody and I mean nobody can give you a result if the CRO you work refuses to cooperate and decides to run on its own.

See no input but only output mode my CRO works in…

Or DC input AC output. (The hell) I wish Einstein was alive. Who would have died seeing this. So Einstein if you thinking about rebirth you are better up there….

(ii) How am I supposed to know the end result, if on questioning the position of a component in the circuit my professor says – because it is given so in the text-book.

(iii) On mounting the circuit on the bread board (and i mean the correct circuit ) and not getting the output my teacher’s advice for troubleshooting goes like this

1. Change the resistor.

2 . Change the capacitor.

3 . Change the bread board.

56. Change the CRO.

57. Change the function generator.

1125. Chang the wires.

1126. Change the table.

And till this point i am like why don’t I change this college.

(iv) Then there is another conversation,

” sir  i am not getting the correct output. “

“that is because you have connected the components in a wrong manner ” booms my sir.

“oh sorry ! Can you please show of how to do it. “

“you argue too much ” comes the reply

argument ended.

(v) And if after going through all this misery if I get the desired out put then one of my good friends comes just to adjust some knob here and there and bang there goes all the efforts in vain.(and don’t tell me any of you are not aware of this breed of people they are present every where and on an average in every group)

And the last but not the least every time something like this happens I feel like – I should have selected some other college.

And the misery of an engineering student is –EVERY COLLEGE IS THE SAME…:)

New years eve n resolutions

You know everyone in the world, and I mean EVERYONE plans how to spend the night welcoming to new year. I always wonder why dont they plan some thing like what to do on 1st of the new year. Then the answer hit my head. We never really needed to plan how to spend the new year or the first few days of the new year. And there is a special stress on few days because the phenomenon really lasts only for a couple of days.

My definition of a resolution is ,

RESOLUTION IS A TO-DO LIST FOR THE FIRST WEEK OF JANUARY

No matter how hard you disagree but you may celebrate the end of the old year clebrating in anew environment, or doing something completely aloof of the previous year. But as a matter of fact we all start the new year the same way – Making nw yaer resolutions.

Here is a glimpse how they Start – Growth – falter.

Did your New Year resolutions make our top five list?

1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends

Start : we may start of by making a plan ensuring we give equal importance to all the aspects and making a few important considerations.

Growth – You start adjusting to the schedule, and whjile doing so introduce a few changes in the plan so as to fit in other important considerations. Then the changes become a bit more prominent in the plan.

Falter – Then as we slowly seep into the tight schedule the plan finds a safe and cozy place in any corner of your drawer. And your daily routine starts repeating all over again. Same as the previous year (to your surprise)

2. Fit in Fitness (For average people)
3. Tame the Bulge (for some one who fits in the category between a rice sack and a swollen TATA SUMO)

Start – Theses resolutions starts with a great joyous. You may a buy a new pair of shorts. Even a mp3 player just to get into the tune of the exercises. (We could just use the phone, BUT HELL NO,  its a new year resolution !!!). Then finding a new and mostly the costliest gym the place around you has to offer.

Growth – Then the first week is awesome (Ignoring the corrosive pain every muscle has when doing a task). The next week you visit alternate days. And then slowly a stage is reached wherein you visit at long intervals such that you dont excercise but your name stays in the gym’s members list.

Falter – Then you realize that you have been making undue donations to the already wealthy gym owner (thanks to your only pay no visit policy). And you quit.

4. Quit Smoking or drinking

Start – You join a social group . a few also start getting special medications just to get away from the desires. You start with a strict n drop (or no single puff logic)

Growth – Then the daily tensions of your routine life start showing up like unexpected guests. And you retreat back towards the same habit saying – Only this ones.

Falter – Then the occasional puff or drink becomes so common that it does not fit into the occasional category. And then you are so taken over that you forget which years resolution was to quit the addiction.

5. Getting organised

Start – You start by making a schedule of what you like. Some people also go a bit out of their ways just to thinkover what does enjoyment actually mean ? Then you plan out various activities around the next year that you enjoy. Makingh sure the period arrives after every short intervals.

Growth – Then as we get into the schedules. kepping in pace with the time table becomes too difficult. So we start by making a few changes. The sam few that makes the orignal time table irreadable.

Falter – Then the daily tasks become your life and the time table becomes a piece of decorations stuck to a prime locaion in the house, smiling at you (teasingly).

And we keep that the same way to use it for the next year !!! 😀