SCORING IN A TOUGH ENVIRONMENT

Well guys, you know there was a phase in my life when it was very easy to score or even top in any subject.  I could just start studying any subject the evening before and easily score in that one i.e. come out with flying colours. And then I passed through school.

I won’t say life became miserable, because it was just the beginning. The only thing that has been come (or rather gone) flying are the answers out of head when facing the paper in the exam.

I was just clueless how to score in the exams. Rather just manage to pass…. But then I stumbled upon a technique. I won’t say it has changed my life, but rather will ask you to try (of course at your own risk) and do tell me the results. (By now I am sure the post has started sounding like that order now type of adverts that come endlessly on television)

I have tried a few of them (;)) in my exams but I am not sure if I will be alive to check out my result following all the dooms day craze. Friends do promise me one thing, if you survive after 21st please check my results and if the technique has worked , the first thing after you discover that you are alive. Will you ?

Now I am going to share the secret with you. Sadly I only have the scoring technique for Environmental Science Paper (EVS). Sorry for the inconvenience.

WARNING : All the content posted below was actually written in an exam by my superhuman friend. Please take care if you feel like trying it. May your soul rest in peace. Amen.

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Remember that it is an EVS paper so no marks are deducted for grammatical errors. Even if you write the same points again and again in the same manner. More like breaking hell out of English grammar rules. (Sorry for the quality the so called super human was chasing me when I was clicking the pics)

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Now my my my, you have full authority to draw diagrams in the paper. Even if the content and the diagram (and even the question) may not have the slightest resemblance to the diagram

AND YES REMEMBER THE TEACHER MAY NOT ALWAYS APPRECIATE YOUR ANSWER. SO DO APPRECIATE YOURSELF FOR THE DRAWING (HERE : AMAZING)

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Now the question is green house effect. I was taught that we have ozone layer and CFC reduces it. But sadly according to the special answer it was not true.

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As I said the teacher may not always appreciate you . But he is human too and is amazed at the talent in showcase.

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Now it is not a crime to write the correct answer once in a while. Even if the last point is kept for the examiner to complete.

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Last but not the least. Go to hell education I will always draw even if it means mounting solar cookers above dams which in turn are located above the urban streets. And of course the tradition continues no relation to the answer.:D

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I have done my job of sharing the SECRET.As I said try them at your own risk. May GOD help me in my EVS paper.

 P.S. : This post is and always will be dedicated to a hero who will not be named, right Chandu ? ooppps. No you didn’t read it.

Unsaid rules of drawing

My blog is not an artistic creation or anything. As far my drawing is considered I am a complete failure for me even the books fail to communicate the idea of drawing.For me they go like this:

 But in this post I am presenting you the unsaid rules of painting or drawing. I call there rules unsaid because no great artist or book has actually mentioned them but we still draw or paint following these unsaid rules.

1. Even today (this trend belongs to us since our childhood) when we draw a landscape we always draw the sun between two mountains or hiding behind a cloud and never free in the sky.

2. No human has a right look a real human we either draw them as skeletons or only their side view.

3. All the birds that can fly have no right to look better than this:

4. If there is a river then it is accompanied by a waterfall. (Always)

5. If drawing a train, never dare to draw the modern train strictly draw the steam engine.

6. In portrait the nose of the drawing should never match the actual person.

7. If you think that you have got the eyes, ears, nose of the person in the portrait right, then wait till you finish the chin in the painting. Then the drawing and the person in real is 180 degree out of phase.

8. The amount of color on your shirt or your hands is inversely proportional your amount of understanding of colors.

9. Drawing is a symbol of national integrity; because for everyone – Hindus, Muslims or Christians the temple is similar to the house only thinner and is indicated by a flag on the top. And is always located at the top of the mountain with unlimited stairs.

10. All the grass in the painting should not exceed three lines.

11. The house should not comprise of more than two rectangles, a triangle and a circle in the middle of the triangle. (And two windows)

12. When drawing boats remember that there are only two types of boats in the world- the titanic and one so small barely fitting a single man.

13. There is always a large tree in the middle of the landscape.

14. If it is raining then there should never be water puddles on the ground, and if there it is accompanied by either a frog or mushroom.

And the last one…

15. All the things in the world have a thick white background.

The Thin Line Between Genius and Insanity

There is a very common phrase that says,

“There is a thin line between genius and insanity.”

It is, in essence, saying that if we were to map genius and insanity, they would be Jammu and Kanyakumari. Albert Einstein and Charles Manson would be close enough to touch, but still not quite in the same territory, with Einstein focusing on what M might equal and Manson focusing on homicidal messages in Beatles songs. I guess they would be unlikely to grab a  Chai or latte together, but there is a chance they might end up at the same CCD.

There are a lot of phrases like this that are just stupid.

  • A dog might be a man’s best friend, but that is a very sad man.
  • If it  ain’t broke, I won’t fix it, but I probably couldn’t fix it if it was broken.
  • Sure, it isn’t over until the fat lady sings, but what if she is slow getting there? She is, after all, very over weight. I would imagine she moves very slowly and a lot of things end before she starts singing.

While those may be stupid nonsense phrases, there really is a thin line between genius and insanity. This is just a dumb phrase, it is a fact of life.

For example, look at Christopher Columbus. Now, we all know that this man was brave enough to take three ships the WRONG direction to India just to prove that the world was round. Believing the world was round in that time put you in the vast minority. For realizing that the world was round, we have awarded him with his own holiday, basically saying that this man was a genius for having the foresight to listen to actual scientists about the Earth’s shape.

What if the Earth had been flat, though? We would sit around telling the story of that moron who sailed off the edge of the planet because he thought it was round.

“What an idiot,” we would say. “What a big stupid maniac. What kind of sane person would think the world was round? Man, I am so glad I’m not as dumb as that stupid Christopher Columbus.”

Sure, he turned out to be right. (About the shape of the planet. He was totally wrong about where India was, but that’s a completely different story.) He could just have easily, though, fallen off of the planet and plummeted to the bottom of the universe, splatting on the universe floor and leaving a mess for the universe to mop up.

The line, though, has not gotten any wider in recent years.

Imagine for a second I walk up to you and say the following: “I have a million dollar idea. Why don’t we take some blankets and sew sleeves on them?” Your gut reaction would be to smack me upside the head, call me names, and continue to berate me until I cried. You would probably hold that urge inside and just tell me this was an insane idea. No one would ever buy sleeved blankets except maybe mental patients.

Well, guess again muchacho. By 2009, a little company named Snuggie had made $40 million off of the insane idea of sleeved blankets. It turns out people really like their blankets to have sleeves. They also like to buy crappy presents for people, thus the marketplace was primed for genius product like Snuggies. What seemed insane was actually a stroke of brilliance.

Since this line is now a proven fact, I have been trying to figure out where I’m at. Am I on the genius side or the insane side? Maybe I’m not even near the line. Maybe I’m all the way over there in an area named “boring and obnoxious” and I’ll never be near the genius/coocoo for cocoa puffs line.

I do know one thing for sure, though. I may not be near the line. I may not even be on the same planet as the line. The line may be a completely foreign concept that I will never, ever encounter in my life.

With that said, though, I have approximately 8,000 ideas a day. Each and every one of those ideas are less insane than the Snuggie.

Seriously, guys. A blanket with sleeves. Good work, you nutjobs

The funny English as we know

If you are at all acquainted with the English language, (if not hen probably something you might say is a part of this blog) you may have noticed some common sayings and words in there that are really silly, once you come to think of it. For example, why is it called a boxing ring when it is actually a square?

Why is the load of the ship referred to as cargo, but when a truck carries a load on land, that is referred to as shipping or shipment?

Actors recite a play for an audience, but then they play at a recital.

See? It doesn’t make sense! But that is English, unfortunately. That is also one of the reasons why English is such a hard language to speak fluently – incorporating all its nuances. Ask me – I’ve been there. There are so many things you simply have to know.

And that’s not where my dilemma ends, there are a few names y which we refer a few profession but sometimes the names do not make any sense at all…..

You say that this is impossible, let me see…

What do we call the devil that shows you a way to your table in a restaurant then proceeds to take your order after declaring his restaurants incompetantness to provide the food listed in the menu, and after finally getting an order makes you wait for about 1000 light years to get your order – Ah yes ! the waiter, by the way I am not sure who actually is waiting (us) and who is called the waiter (him).:D

Now, conductor is any material that leads to development or enrichment of something. But the bus conductor goes all the way out, to make sure you have your worst journeys everyday by stabbing you, hitting you and if all rest fails using his purse as a hook on you bag to catch hold of you and quarrel over the same issue saying you are the one who should take care f the bag.

Yes. And if fire fighters fight fires, what then do freedom fighters fight?

Readers, here goes one for all the fun….english gaffes

A candidate’s application :

“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘typist

and an accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both for the past

several years and I can handle both, I am applying for the post.

Oh. Well, I just asked the dictionary, and apparently the word “pineapple” is derived from the Middle English word for “ pine cone”. The fruit seems to have reminded whoever named it of a pine cone. If you say so. I can’t say I really see the resemblance. Except maybe in the shape.

I have so far learned that every name is commonly derived from something that refers or resembles the item, like the above example but I am not sure which of the words screw driver or taxi driver is either derived from as the screw guy does drive the screw and the taxi guy drives the taxi, but doesn’t screw anything. (exception: us after the meter reading)

So sometimes the connections do make sense. A lot of the time they do not, however. But no-one can deny that English is a creative language!

I hope you all have a great week!

New years eve n resolutions

You know everyone in the world, and I mean EVERYONE plans how to spend the night welcoming to new year. I always wonder why dont they plan some thing like what to do on 1st of the new year. Then the answer hit my head. We never really needed to plan how to spend the new year or the first few days of the new year. And there is a special stress on few days because the phenomenon really lasts only for a couple of days.

My definition of a resolution is ,

RESOLUTION IS A TO-DO LIST FOR THE FIRST WEEK OF JANUARY

No matter how hard you disagree but you may celebrate the end of the old year clebrating in anew environment, or doing something completely aloof of the previous year. But as a matter of fact we all start the new year the same way – Making nw yaer resolutions.

Here is a glimpse how they Start – Growth – falter.

Did your New Year resolutions make our top five list?

1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends

Start : we may start of by making a plan ensuring we give equal importance to all the aspects and making a few important considerations.

Growth – You start adjusting to the schedule, and whjile doing so introduce a few changes in the plan so as to fit in other important considerations. Then the changes become a bit more prominent in the plan.

Falter – Then as we slowly seep into the tight schedule the plan finds a safe and cozy place in any corner of your drawer. And your daily routine starts repeating all over again. Same as the previous year (to your surprise)

2. Fit in Fitness (For average people)
3. Tame the Bulge (for some one who fits in the category between a rice sack and a swollen TATA SUMO)

Start – Theses resolutions starts with a great joyous. You may a buy a new pair of shorts. Even a mp3 player just to get into the tune of the exercises. (We could just use the phone, BUT HELL NO,  its a new year resolution !!!). Then finding a new and mostly the costliest gym the place around you has to offer.

Growth – Then the first week is awesome (Ignoring the corrosive pain every muscle has when doing a task). The next week you visit alternate days. And then slowly a stage is reached wherein you visit at long intervals such that you dont excercise but your name stays in the gym’s members list.

Falter – Then you realize that you have been making undue donations to the already wealthy gym owner (thanks to your only pay no visit policy). And you quit.

4. Quit Smoking or drinking

Start – You join a social group . a few also start getting special medications just to get away from the desires. You start with a strict n drop (or no single puff logic)

Growth – Then the daily tensions of your routine life start showing up like unexpected guests. And you retreat back towards the same habit saying – Only this ones.

Falter – Then the occasional puff or drink becomes so common that it does not fit into the occasional category. And then you are so taken over that you forget which years resolution was to quit the addiction.

5. Getting organised

Start – You start by making a schedule of what you like. Some people also go a bit out of their ways just to thinkover what does enjoyment actually mean ? Then you plan out various activities around the next year that you enjoy. Makingh sure the period arrives after every short intervals.

Growth – Then as we get into the schedules. kepping in pace with the time table becomes too difficult. So we start by making a few changes. The sam few that makes the orignal time table irreadable.

Falter – Then the daily tasks become your life and the time table becomes a piece of decorations stuck to a prime locaion in the house, smiling at you (teasingly).

And we keep that the same way to use it for the next year !!! 😀