Realistic plans for 2013

NEW-YEARS-RESOLUTION-HAPPY-NEW-YEAR-2012-FUNNY

2013. So here it is… a new year. You know what the fun of celebration of all events is going on decreasing. I don’t know what to blame for it, or whom. but what I know for sure is the Diwali, Christmas, Holi have lost a bit (about 90 %) of their charm.

But mourning about it will actually mean starting the new year on a sad note.

So lets start  fresh again, shall we ? New year is about fresh starts and new beginnings. About enjoying a new perspective towards the next 365 days to come. And how can we forget making resolutions.

making resolutions is basically making a few changes to the previous years resolution and taking a vow to bring it to immediate effect. Even last year I published a post about new year resolutions. But lets discuss something new.. something fresh…

So let us make realistic resolutions for 2013. As we are quite bitterly aware that resolutions do not last about more than first week of January. So lets get started:

1. Read less.

You know what it is very boring. Making this resolution helps only the old paper mart guy. It only involves waste of money and is also very difficult to maintain over a even a short period.

2. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 kgs.

Now this is relatively easy. Reducing weight actually involves tiresome and hectic exercises. but this one is very easy to keep as everyone who plans on reducing weight. generally ends up completing the above resolution. So why not adopt this very resolution from the very beginning.

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3. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

Well you know as I did say before. It is a waste of time, energy and effort.

4. Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.

Well from the last 4 years I have been trying to reduce my T.V. viewing. But you know what  watching T.V. is something i can do more than eat or even sleep. So this one is a relatively easier to keep.

5. Procrastinate more.

Time management is for losers. But you probably knew it didn’t you. And I have survived about the last 20 years procrastinating so I think this one is not as much difficult to follow  In fact you know what I will just write it down on the top of my agenda right now. OK. done.

6. Drink. Drink some more.

Not for everyone. but a few guys (and gals) who enjoy a sip now and then will find it easier to comply. And it won’t even hurt their conscience.

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7. Start being superstitious.

People plan to become more rational in the year and turn up bringing their lucky pen or wearing their lucky shirt for exams or important occasions. so rather lets be irrational in 2013.

8. Organizing…What the hell..

Nope a strict no no on the yearly revolvers mind. Organizing only tends to mess up more as we go nearer and nearer to wards the end of the month, let alone the year.

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9. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

Yeah heard it more than a million times. But naturally the other way round. but all it serves to is fattening the vendors pockets. And the same food tastes much more better with the sweeter (sweaty) hands of the server.

10. Take up a new habit: maybe smoking!

Taking up a habit is actually what everyone wants to do. but sadly the habit doesn’t live enough to see the thrd week of January. So better take up your addiction as a habit, you know what killing two birds in one shot-  Habit + pleasure.

Risky RICKS

One of the most amazing things I have come across is that what people can really give to each other on birthdays, which might just anything from very useful to almost useless stuff as their birthday gift. One of my friends whose birthday falls on today’s rather auspicious date asked me to pen down my thoughts on Rickshawwallas.

Now being a very thoughtful (!), considerate (!!) amazing (?) intelligent (??) and witty (#@&%$) blogger that I am (bwahhahahaha) I could have sternly refused for the excuse that I have talked about one such thing before.

But she being a wonderful friend of mine (I am not writing this cheesy line because she is going to read it.) may be I am..(nah! I am not)I decided to write this topic. Another thing I would like to make this very clear that I am not witting this because this is possibly one of the most cheapest gifts I can give her…..Did I sound a bit cheap there ? But you know what? I am silly? (Right Chitazzz)

So let’s start the drill. We should start from the beginning so let’s start from the beginning (I sometimes confuse myself with the types of sentences I write!!)

Now, people may call it hiring an auto, or you may not readily agree. Let us get a situation – you are in a hurry, you get out of the gates of your building. And your heart skips a beat on the sight of an auto. (With the driver sleeping in it with his legs on his seat and head on ours.). But behold even though you are happy the driver may not always share your enthusiasm. He may be standing on the way saying “Thou shalt not pass!” .Now the regular conversation would be slightly as follows:

Me: Bhaiya, station chaloge ? (Sometimes I think the main cause of their grumpy mood is even good looking girls call them bhaiya’s)

Rickshawalla (RICK):  Nahi !

Me: Par rickshaw toh khali hai. Aur mujhe jaldi hai.

RICK : Nahi.

Now this conversation may still go on with me pleading like a small boy to his teacher to give that half mark to pass an exam and he still continues with his monotonous “NAHI”. Some of them are generous enough to not even stop when you are waving your hand as if it is on fire near the road. I call them generous as the at least do not stop to insult you with their “NAHI”. If you are lucky enough to get a good (Ideal) rickshawalla then you may have done something really of some profound humanitarian cause to have such bliss.

Then when you sit. They drive like all the roads are deserted and there is some bomb attached to the bottom of the auto that will go BOOM if the needle goes below 40. And there are a few exceptions who travel so slow that you repent your decision of taking that auto as even cyclists overtake you with a grin on there face as if teasing you. And the hell breaks loose if you sit on the fourth sit.(Lucky girls ! they do not enjoy this plight!!) The driver takes about 10/11th of the seat and asks you to sit comfortably (!) in the reaming partitioned land. And to make it worse he enjoys poking you in your gut with their elbows, the situation becomes worse when it is raining. You have to shield yourself from the poking and the rain. A great balancing act. And yes you know the awkward moment when they try to drive and get to the fuel chock near you legs at the same time. And you are like “What the hell? Kya kar raha hai yeh ?”

Other salient features of our autos include:

  1. The headlamp so intense that even a candle will win head to head against it.
  2. Windshield that cracks if anything else (even wind) comes into contact.
  3. The polite driver talking to passengers softly at about 130 Decibels.
  4. Powerful engine that cranks up specially while going downhill.
  5. Weather proof hood that leaks only above passengers head.
  6. Teeny weenie wheels to dodge huge potholes.
  7. Exhaust pipe cum – silencer (which silences voices of screaming passengers.)

And on reaching the destination he makes a bit more effort to stop the auto a bit too far or behind than the desired location. Even if you are yelling on the top of your voice to make him stop or drive a bit ahead. Then comes the paying scenario. They never seem to have the change. It seems to me as an overdose of serials and movies where the hero or heroine says “Keep the change” (Aha! the golden words). Still I am glad that they do not give you those chocolates in place of the change like those misery shopkeepers (or canteen guys). You decide to learn from the new experience and teach these guys a lesson the next time (or possibly sue them). But the scene continues the other day you are in a hurry. You heart skips a beat on the sight of a rickshaw…….

And by the way ….

Happy Birthday Chitazzzzz….

P.S. Being an engineering student I have come to the realization that these IDEAL rickshawallas do not exist. Like many other ideal cases we study. 😛

Will the world really end ? and what if it does …..

Yes the end is coming. Some say it is scheduled this year. Just for your knowledge, this is not a new phenomenon because as per the rich knowledge of a few people the date for the last day on earth was planned to be :

January 1, 1000 A.D. (Sadly the world did not end on this date)

March 10, 1982 (the same reason, maybe waited for my birth). So they went to

January 1, 2000 (Still the world refused to listen to man kind )

June 6, 2006 (I think the world waited for AVATAR  or AVENGERS to launch). So the near final date was zeroed to december 21/23, 2012. Now a few folks will be confused as to will the world really end on this day ?  Well I have come down to a conclusion these dates are like the solution for a question in an engineering maths exam. You always get the answer but are not sure if it is correct. And everyone has different ones…so you adjust the answer as per your convenience 😀

Now the scientists have also made themselves safe if the world does not end in December. They have also another date in mind ‘the year 3797′. So now equipped with this knowledge I was wondering what will happen if the world ends on 21/12/2012. You know it would have been better if God was on facebook. He would just update his status “BOOM”- and we would have happily commented, liked and shared it and then died. with smiles on our faces. That’s what I call AWESOME death.

Why would the world end on this date ?

A good question. Scientists guess – Solar flare or super volcano or tsunami or all at once. I predict may be the winrar license expires on that date. So even if the world does not end . It will be a heck of a life without winrar. Other possible reasons may include – facebook starts charging for membership, all the cell phones on the planet burst all of a sudden, all the channels show daily soaps at the same time or another twilight series begins.

What if ends on that day ?

The day is Friday. It should have been Monday, at least I would I have enjoyed 2 days of holiday (end of the world vacation). I would really like to see if all my experience of watching Bear Grylls is worth anything. Although he doesn’t show any tricks to save against a large wave of tsunami, but still its worth a try. I am pretty sure if we have confirmed reports about the apocalypse – then all the stores in the world will be flooded by calls from ladies inquiring for JUDGEMENT DAY SALE. People do have a right to look good when dead. But the simple logic is who will see you if everyone is dead.

Single boys will start looking for girlfriends and boys in relationships will start looking for more girlfriends. Not much knowledge of other things.

I have even made a list of things I may try if the world is really ending in 2012. Dont worry I will share a few good ones with you. I would like to….

  • Walk up to a small child that resembles me, and tell him that I am him from the future.
  • Go to a library and ask for a book on how to read.
  • When the money comes out the ATM, scream “I Won!, I Won!” “I Won!, I Won!”
  • Throw a small plastic ball at some body and then yell “get in your ball you stupid pokemon.”
  • Get into a taxi, when asked where the destination is, yell FOLLOW THAT CAR! And point at a car.
  • Hire two detectives and make them follow each other (Dont worry you won’t have to pay them either)
  • Walk into an elevator and say – You all must be wondering why I have gathered you here

What happens if the world does not end on 21/12/2012 ?

If the date of mass destruction is postponed again. Then when I have children I will show them the movie “2012” and tell them I survived it. Maybe a few people will kill the scientist who is making the miscalculation again and again. There is a high possibility that all the courts in the world will be overflowing with divorce cases. All the hard drinks in the world will be exhausted.

Well one thing is for sure,If the world does not end on december 21 then a lot of babies will be born in September 20,2013.

Valentine’s day for singles…

Ok I am fed up with people complaining about their relationship. You may ask
has this guy gone maniac or what ????

I would say I am talking about the recently passed valentines day…(not very recent but you can spare me for that it taker sometime to publish a post )
I mean why all the single people just become so concerned about their love lives
just the same day,

ok no objection for the day…
But why everyone thinks the same.
WHY THE HELL AM I SINGLE ???
and that single question bothers then more than the growing petrol prices.
I mean even if you are in a relationship you will still require petrol to take your special one for a long drive.(why do you think I am single ?)

ok guys buckle up I am going to give you many reasons to cherish… For being single.
1. You save a lot and i mean a lot) of money.

2. You are single and an open threat to others relationship.

3. Your message pack refuses to finish even after messaging all your contacts (even your paper boy )

4. You don’t have to be concerned of the lyrics of the songs you listen to…(you know what I mean..)

5. You are free to talk to n number of girls or boys.

6. You can still manage to sleep
at your regular sleeping time.(if you are not an engineering student, if you are then God bless you.)

7. You only have to worry about your own problems.

8. You save a lot of battery of your cell phone.

9. You can relieve your brain from the silly logic of dates.

10. You don’t have a constant fear of being “seen” by some one you know…

11. You can tease other guys with the name of their girlfriends names but still stay fearless.

12. You don’t have to remember the phones security code.(one of the best ways of judging whether a person is committed is to see if they have a security phone lock for their cell phone.)

13. You don’t have to remember the daily activities to rewind it to someone.

14. Nobody can hack into your Facebook account because your password is really a secret.

15. A lesser stress on your memory for remembering who’s who relative. As your circle of concern is only concentrated over your own relatives.

But love is still a beautiful experience.and …
WAIT…


This is a silly blog…
Ok love is not that something something
blah blah blah…

so no diplomatic ending and no public apology…
Go to hell…

Practicals – The pain of Engineering

Engineering practicals form a very important aspect of an engineering students life. And they become more important if the same subject has an external practicals exam(true story).

“They are meant to help increase your knowledge”, my practical instructor tells me.

But sometimes (all the time ) I seriously doubt his reasoning abilities. I mean how are they purposed to increase my knowledge if I don’t even get the desired output sometimes (every time ). And yes before you start yelling that I suck at practicals let me present to you the reasons for my lack of performance:

(i) Nobody and I mean nobody can give you a result if the CRO you work refuses to cooperate and decides to run on its own.

See no input but only output mode my CRO works in…

Or DC input AC output. (The hell) I wish Einstein was alive. Who would have died seeing this. So Einstein if you thinking about rebirth you are better up there….

(ii) How am I supposed to know the end result, if on questioning the position of a component in the circuit my professor says – because it is given so in the text-book.

(iii) On mounting the circuit on the bread board (and i mean the correct circuit ) and not getting the output my teacher’s advice for troubleshooting goes like this

1. Change the resistor.

2 . Change the capacitor.

3 . Change the bread board.

56. Change the CRO.

57. Change the function generator.

1125. Chang the wires.

1126. Change the table.

And till this point i am like why don’t I change this college.

(iv) Then there is another conversation,

” sir  i am not getting the correct output. “

“that is because you have connected the components in a wrong manner ” booms my sir.

“oh sorry ! Can you please show of how to do it. “

“you argue too much ” comes the reply

argument ended.

(v) And if after going through all this misery if I get the desired out put then one of my good friends comes just to adjust some knob here and there and bang there goes all the efforts in vain.(and don’t tell me any of you are not aware of this breed of people they are present every where and on an average in every group)

And the last but not the least every time something like this happens I feel like – I should have selected some other college.

And the misery of an engineering student is –EVERY COLLEGE IS THE SAME…:)

The JetRickshaw

Sorry I have never travelled by a jet….

And seriously who needs to pay handsomely to enjoy the facility of faster air transport when a local rickshaw driver can give you a glimpse of heaven for about as such a negligible cost.

Yes i feel they are only other qualified people who can even shame the NASA space shuttle when it comes to speed.

And yes I am not bluffing I do have my share of experiences.

Recently I had such a breath-taking journey, when i was returning home. I took the seat along with my friends and the rickshaw driver suddenly decided to DHOOM STYLE…

Never have I seen the tail lights of a truck from so close. And God help I will never want to witness the sight again. He thought he was riding a bicycle – at least I thought so because he went from between a bus and a car with such an ease even a lone human without any of accompanied vehicle would tremor at the thought of doing it.

I was cushioned between two of my friends-Pratik Rajput and Prassanna (I always don’t get his spelling right…).The former not a (typical) Rajput, In fact a very cool dude, who heaved a sigh of relief on getting out.(He still believes that his girlfriends prayers saved his life out of the misery) and the other Prasana (I said I get his spellings wrong) was in higher emotional level, between heaven and drooling in his sleep. But god save both (as they cushioned me) That is real friendship.

There are many such incidents involving me my friends and rickshaw. (sometimes these things happen to me so often in my friends presence that i feel that it is them who is bad luck. )

Once there was another incident involving the same two friends. When a good natured woman refused to budge from the path of our rickshaw.  she even tried to gently snatch the rickshaw keys so that we could suffer but god saved us . And what was our crime – breaking something what she thought was a queue. (although she was standing behind us.)

Sometimes I think India can go miles in F1 racing if we permit rickshaw drivers to race for us. (who needs Narain kartikayen) who knows India might become number one in yet another sport. And I am sure about that because if they can go at a speed of 40-50 from a crowded road then sure they can break records on concrete well built (and by that I mean a road without potholes).

And my adivce who normally dont travel by rickshaw it is better to have two things at your disposal :

1. A helmet.

2. Your will.

3. Sweets (In case you land safely)

God knows when you might need them.

The classic Indian Cinema

Hi,

I have mentioned a few Indian classics. Hope you enjoy it – this is what makes our movies typically ours.

1. All the people around the hero always know the dance steps in advance.

2. Although there are no musical instruments, but music is in full swing in the song.

3. The face of the villain can never be seen straight away at first shot.

4. The hero always gets the best girl.

5. The heroine is always the best looking girl among the group of friends.

6. Even if the hero faces 1000 gangsters, the gangsters never attack all at once, they always wait for their turn and hit two at a time.

7. There is always a comic joker who runs away before the fight.

8. The last of the gang of villains always run and escape at the end of the fight.

9. During a romantic song or scene, an unknown source always blows wind to blow the heroines and hero’s hair.(ok stop looking at Sonam kapoor and start reading)

10. Either one or both the hero’s parents are always dead.

11. No girl ever dumps the hero.

12. The heroine is either studious or totally dumb but awesomely beautiful.

13. If hero is studying in a college then the college dean always hates the hero.

14. There is no normal hero in college life – either a complete failure or the college topper.

15. Even both the hero and heroine have cars, there is always a bus stop scene.

16. Even if the hero and heroine are poor (I mean very poor) they still manage to change many clothes for the songs.

17. Everytime the villain gets the hero, he is more interested in telling his part of the story than killing him straight away.

18. No film maker is interested in the childhood of the villain.

19. When the hero and the heroine kiss each other everything around them slows down, even the god damn raindrops.

20. During a fight scene, the hero never realizes his ultimate muscular power till the heroine is hurt or some one close is killed.

21. There is no police complaint made when the hero breaks things during song or action sequence.

22. The villain gang always has too many Scorpio cars of the same colour.

23. The hero is never ill, and if he is then it is always cancer – no cough or cold.

24. Hero is never charged for speeding while chasing the villain.

25. If the movie is based in a police station, then the hero is star for the commissioner even if he is a constable.