A (slightly) romantic novel

“It was late at night. So like a gentleman, he decided to walk her to her house. Suddenly, without the slightest warning it began to pour hard…..”, by now I had made up my mind to punch my friend in his face the next time I meet him. It was one of the best romantic novels he had ever come across. No I wasn’t sure reading exactly 4 books would be considered as a considerable reading profile. But since all the books (numerically 4) were romantic novels. I decided to take his word (at least it was numero uno among 4 books). He suggested I should read it- by pursuing and then threatening (by saying he won’t give me his assignments to copy anymore, well that’s a nightmare for an engineering student).Since I am a die hard romance novel follower (my experience with romantic novels – nil). I was struck by his noble gesture.

 

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Now, as far as novels or anything with words is concerned I can finish it up in a single reading session i.e. except textbooks. So I decided to start it and end it quickly. I was not too enthusiastic from the beginning. I was with the author all along, that is till the line I mentioned before. It is then that I learned why I wasn’t much into romantic novels, they are far away from reality, may be a kilometer or two ahead of the fictional section. For the record even the fiction books talk about a few non-fictional situations many a times. I read romantic novels the same way I read fiction. I read it up to the very end and think “this is not going to happen anyway”.

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Let me point it out, lets keep our brains aside (first requisite to reading a romantic novel). Now as far as my experience with girls is considered (not counting my sister,mom and an old school teacher who used to hate being called a women) every time a guy tries to act as a gentleman. The one only thought that comes to her mind is “Lets friend zone him” or get into a relation with him (read make him a brother) or better tell your girlfriends what a pervy flirt he is. So point one, a gentleman and a girl,any girl cannot be more than friends. They are always after the “different” fools. Who are exactly the opposite to that of the guy described in the novel.

Now as far as the author is concerned, most of the authors are loners or married (“arranged marriage” ) and are describing their fantasy’s which didn’t quite see the light of the day. Now next, we haven’t yet reached a development phase where even the rain takes permission to shower down.

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The next line had me rolling on the floor with laughter, it said when it started to rain he (the hero) started to look for a shade , but she (the heroine or I don’t know what the lead of a novel is called) was more interested in enjoying the rain. See exactly my point because….OK a few pointers-
1. Girls don’t do that anymore (anyway).
2. If she does (since the hero was Indian) the guy would be enjoying the show instead of searching for a bunker.
3. The other thing is security, not from thugs but from being caught off the hands of uncle,aunt,neighbor,neighbors relative, the maid, the shopkeeper or even the dog in your area. As there are ‘n’ number of relatives and further ‘n’
number of their relatives. Relatives who wouldn’t give you a second glance on your best day, but would meet you at every corner of the street when with some guy or girl.
4. Girls are more concerned about their cloths than the life of the guy they are with.
5. It doesn’t quite rain unexpectedly in India…HELLO… we have a season named after it.
6. that’s a lot of fiction in a single line.

The story would then continue up to a kiss. Now , kissing is not permitted in these parts of the world, not unless you want to give a happy hour show for all the people around and have have to cave in for their “once more” demands. Then a few meetings and dates – a slight touch of reality. Then both realizing they are in love as if the romance in the rain and kiss didn’t make a point. And the the proposal. Ah yess !!! the damn proposal… in stories or even in movies girls propose or gives the guy few hints that she likes him (another part of fiction) but here if a guy doesn’t propose the story ends any way. Since the hints here include a smile or a small glance. Even a roadside beggar glances you when you walk away from him, that’s not a hint. I might be wrong in this case though I didn’t talk to the girl I liked in three years. So I won’t talk about proposals or proposing. I kinda miss her some times… *sob sob* (the first time I am agreeing to it)

 

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The only good thing about this novel was that it was not very much like few novels published by one of the authors many people enjoy. His stories are like, group of friends, small trouble, sex, more trouble,sex, few short paragraphs justifying the title of the book,sex and the end. Now , there are people who like these books and hate fifty shades of grey. Really ? whats the difference ? Now I might sound a bit narrow minded, most of the relationships I have seen (none I have been through) are going through troubled waters. The only difference is the “few” here occurs about every hour or two. Now it is not only that girls are at fault. How many times have you seen a romantic hero in a novel, looking at other girls ass with his girlfriend at tow. I highly doubt that. But how often have you seen it in reality. Only guys can answer this question.Since girls are facing the opposite direction such times.

More ever the novel ended like another childish fantasy – they lived happily ever after. Ohh common !!! girlfriends never become your wives at the most they become your email password. That’s it… the highest position of honor you can give

her. The only one thing even your wife won’t guess…. that is if you get a spooky wife. Which is very common since your wife was someones girlfriend before and is well aware of these tactics… You might say that you have seen a few successful relationships,and so have people reported of seeing aliens or their ships that doesn’t prove anything.

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The Gentle game

“I bowl so slowly that if I don’t like a ball I can run after it and bring it back”

– J.M. Barrie

 

I’m an Indian (and I have my adhar card !!!) and like every other Indian kid was exposed to a lot of cricket- on TV, on the grounds, on the roads, on the sidewalks, in the train, in the gossips in the newspapers  and in the classroom. Cricket was an integral part of my TV viewing schedule and watched even a Bangladesh v/s Zimbabwe match because I did not want Andy Flower to make runs. It never felt ridiculous that the slow, languorous game that goes on for days together and a spectator wouldn’t have missed much even if he missed out on an entire day of a game!

 

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 No, I’m not here to curse test cricket and other forms but a few candid reasons why I stopped watching the Gentleman’s game.

1)  It was just too slow

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I know many would argue that this is the very reason why T20 was introduced and arguments on those lines but still, there is too much of idle time. I can make pop corn, eat it, wash my hands, play a computer game and still when I come back, the bowler would be running in to bowl. All the tactics and field settings might increase the anxiety, but for me it just got too dull.

2) No Global Adoption

I wouldn’t consider a a country a World Champion because they are the best amongst some 12 countries. Now, that’s the definition of being statistically insignificant. Yes, no one stopped the other countries from participating but the very fact that no one else decided to show up tells one that hardly anyone cares. Maybe India with its billion people is a main reason why it can still be considered a popular sport. I want to see more countries play this sport. I’m bored of the same ties.

3)  They Play It Too Often

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Maybe because there are such few countries playing the sport, they keep on playing so that it gives an impression that everyone is playing cricket. The same two teams keep on playing each other all the time till they know each other so well that you wouldn’t be surprised the players paying visits to the opposition’s relatives.

4) Football is simply more interesting

Come on, let’s accept it. I was introduced to football and it just took the carpet off under my feet. I was thrilled. The through balls, the lofted pass, the perfect free kick, the sweet volley and the thundering bullet; all are very strong visuals. Short, crisp and to the point, football is a true global sport. Let’s play more.

5) Saurabh, Dravid,Sachin, Rohit ,Virat, is no longer the way he was

I loved the time when the Indian team was dependent on Kohli. That man is genius. He still contributes significantly but I hate it when he’s not playing. He’s almost always a motivation the watch. Respect.

 

6. A Wretched Viewing experience

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When a wicket falls, we expect to see the replay quickly and not a Pepsi ad. If something exciting happens during the last ball of the over, we don’t like missing any part of it. “Strategic Timeouts” may give a chance to push in even more ads but to us, they are nothing but a nuisance. These are not extravagant demands but basic needs for the people watching cricket on TV. Sadly, the BCCI and the broadcasters  have always taken the Indian fan for granted and the commercialization gets obnoxious at times. I cringe when my favourite commentators suddenly start talking about the virtues of a car or mobile like two-bit salesmen. If you want people to watch your programme, the least you can do is to make sure that you don’t irritate them.

Well, that’s all. I don’t have anything against cricket but well,  ”Dear Cricket, you just weren’t sticky enough.”

P.S. I still sit down for a India-Pakistan game for old times’ sake.